Britney Dearest: My "Interracial Love" Story

/ Tuesday, September 10, 2013

My "Interracial Love" Story

Even though I look a hott mess, I like this picture.

For awhile I was against interracial relationships. Even after I was married, I interfered with my sister's relationship when I found out she was dating a white guy.

Before you judge (in which you have every right), hear me out! Please :-)

When I grew into my late teenage years, I crushed on a couple white guys at my school, I liked N'Sync, Blink-182, and Backstreet Boys, but I was mostly a "black love", R&B, and hip hop girl. That's what I grew up on. I had a vivid mental picture of what I wanted my future husband to look and be like. I envisioned myself and a caramel skinned black man with dimples; tall, handsome, athletic, hand in hand in the sand. I'm kidding about the last part, but I had a specific physical preference. I wanted to date and marry a black man .

I had this facade in my mind that black men are the only ones who take care of their woman a certain, special way. I wanted someone tough who would stand his ground no matter what and thought that only a black (or even Hispanic) man was capable of that. I didn't care that my favorite cousin married an awesome white man who took wonderful care of her, their daughters, AND me. I, like many other black women, was very closed minded, shallow, and slightly brainwashed by what I had seen on television and in movies, heard in music, and read in books, growing up on predominantly black everything.

Recently, I read a quote that said, 
"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be." 

>>How I Met and Married a White Guy

In 2006, I was a young, new mother healing from heartbreak. Along comes this Caucasian guy messaging me on MySpace, flirting, and I was like heck-to-the-NO!

A year later in 2007, after a failed short relationship, in which my father was NOT pleased with my partner, my father told me to write a list of all the [realistic & ideal] qualities I wanted in a husband. My list went something like this:

loves kids,
has no kids,
willing to accept my kid as his own,
good morals,
has a relationship with God OR open to it,
very smart and intelligent,
has a job,
has a good plan for his future,
not an aspiring rapper or singer,
doesn't smoke, drink, or club,
has a car,
his own place,
brown caramel skin,

Long list, huh?

That was about 6 years ago and I was pretty much describing myself except... I'm not tall, I didn't have that great of a job, I'm not athletic, and I was a single mother.

In October 2007, the same Caucasian guy contacted me again through MySpace {again}, using a mutual friend of ours, we'll call her 'J', as the main topic of our online conversation. It turned out that he's best friends with J's cousin and they had recently driven her some hours away to college. I was very hesitant to attempt to get to know him mainly because I wasn't into the internet dating stuff. I thought it was weird as heck, and then of course, because he's white. It wasn't racism, I promise! It was preference. I had a lot of white friends at the time whom I loved dearly! They meant a lot to me.

I asked J some details about him and she went on about how sweet he is and how he's basically family to her and she encouraged me to give him chance, so I did.

To help me feel less uncomfortable and gross about the internet dating thing, he came to my job to meet me in person. Honestly, y'all, I thought he was so handsome, much better looking than in his online photos. He's tall, bow-legged, and has gorgeous dimples. So anyways, we went out to eat for my lunch break. After our first meeting in-person I gave him my phone number and we began to text and converse over the phone on a daily, or every other day basis.

After a couple weeks we went on our first real date to the movie theater. He was so sweet and funny and a gentleman. I had him pick me up from my mom's house because I didn't want him to know where I lived {alone} with my daughter. I didn't know him that well just yet. When I made it back to my mother's I was so excited that I told her and my sister that I was going to marry him.

On our second date, about a week later, we ended up getting caught in a bad ice and snow storm. His house was the closest to our location so my mother called and instructed me to stay there for the night. I texted her his address just in case. I still didn't know him that well! I also slept fully clothed and I was prepared to punch his lights out if he tried anything physical. He didn't try a thing. We didn't even cuddle or touch and I really admired that.

After our second date we started to hang out once a week or so. I came to learn that he had all the qualities I desired, minus one, of course- he's white, not brown caramel skinned. He's actually the most pale of them all. He can't even tan, he just turns red and gets sun burned really bad (my poor baby).

One evening, I was really sick, my daughter was with her dad that day. I was expecting my mother to come over and take care of me. He (my future husband) told me not to worry, he would bring me what I needed. He kept his word. I thought he was a "stand up guy" for that because we lived about 25 minutes from each other and he had just gotten off his manual labor job.

After about a month or two, he was very open and honest about his past as a man whore young man who thought more with an external body part, rather than his brain. That was tough for me to deal with because I thought he was a goody two-shoes, not into that type of bachelor lifestyle. I thought he was different. I didn't call him or answer his calls for a couple weeks after that, but I'm glad he called and we reconciled. {I have his permission to add that! He thinks it's funny. Me ---> -_-}
In the beginning of our relationship. when we first started talking on a regular basis, learning what are expectations were and what we wanted, I told him I didn't want to add a title to whatever we had. Awhile {a few months} later, he responded with something like, "I know you don't want to add titles, but is it okay if I call you my girlfriend? You don't have to say I'm your boyfriend." I agreed and eventually began to refer to him as my boyfriend. That slickster.

Things progressed quickly from there.

About three months after we met, I introduced him to my daughter. They became instant best friends.

"I love you and I want to grow to love your daughter too." 
-My then future husband 

We became engaged in August 2008. I found out I was pregnant in September 2008. We got married and moved in together for the first time in March 2009. I graduated college in April and our first son was born in May 2009.

>>What Kept Me From Focusing On My Racial Preference?

I focused on what he had to offer my daughter and I and the fact that we have a lot in common with what we want in the future; finances, relationships, family, etc. and  he had many positive things to offer my daughter and myself; he's kind, very intelligent, athletic, silly, he works hard, he has a great family, like mine, and he loves to make kids smile and laugh.
If I didn't give him a chance we both would have missed out on all the wonderful blessings we have now. I learned that my husband is a good protector. He's a wonderful provider, an honest man of integrity. Our families get along great.

I'm glad I expanded my preferences and gave my man a chance :-).

>>Should All Single Women Be Open to Date Outside Their Race?

Of course. If a seemingly nice man of a different race approaches, he shouldn't be turned away based on race alone. No one knows exactly what God has in store for them. All prospects should be given a fair chance.

God made us all in His image. I don't believe God would limit us to only date someone of the same race. GOD IS LOVE and He is the creator of all people and He doesn't judge us by our skin color, he judges by our heart and actions and we should all judge our future mate the same way, regardless of race.


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About Me

Hi! I'm Britney. I'm a wife and a mother to 3 children + 1 fur baby. I write about everything family, home, and DIY related. I'm slightly obsessed with home decor Instagram accounts and DIY blogs. Junk food is my peace. Read more

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